Cyberbullying Faced by New Disabled Parents

We need to talk about the online response to two new high-profile disabled parents.

Within the last couple of months, two disabled digital creators, Alex Dacy (@wheelchair_rapunzel) and Chelsie Hill (@ChelsieHill), with more than 220K followers each have given birth. The reach and visibility of these women, their pregnancies, and the recent births of their daughters offer an unprecedented glimpse into a larger sample of the public and their response to disabled parents.

As a disabled mom, I know the sting of ignorant, biased comments is felt by more than the account owner. I approached a quick study of reactions in the weeks following these births with a sense of curiosity. It sometimes helps me to don my scientist hat so that I can compartmentalize my own connection to hateful online rhetoric.

What I Won’t Be Doing
A common reaction to abusive online comments is reposting the comment, sometimes with the name of the person who left the comment. The assumed aim for that choice it the person’s followers will visit the person’s page and enact some retaliation. When creators repost these comments, it also offers an easy content idea. They can (for the moment) have the last word and their response post usually tries to prove the comment wrong in some way. I understand this intent but from a psychological perspective, it doesn’t achieve what we’d hope. It shines a light on the negative comment and reinforces the ignorance by literally putting it center stage. So it probably goes without saying by now, I won’t be doing that.

I will, however, highlight what we can learn from these online reactions and ways creators like these can use their platforms to increase the visibility of disabled parenting.

A Good Sign

First, we should acknowledge that the vast majority of online comments in response to these births-for both creators-are positive. Ranging from the mundane, “Congratulations” type, to more personalized celebrations of motherhood and disability. Hateful and negative comments are the minority. Most of those comments are met with swift, passionate, and defensive replies from the large follower base, which is an experience other moms with disabilities who post on social media may not always share. Many moms with disabilities without hundreds of thousands of followers have to handle their own responses to comments that question their parenting ability.

Alike But Different
Next, while there are some similarities between these creators, they differ in some major ways too. Chelsie acquired her disability (a spinal cord injury) and even folks without a great understanding of genetics seem to know she doesn’t have the consideration of passing on her disability. Her body is also more like nondisabled women’s bodies. These are major forms of privilege but it’s not evident that Chelsie realizes this. Her content style tends to speak as a representative of moms with disabilities, saying things like, “This is what it’s like for moms with disabilities.”

Alex has a genetic disability. Her body is unique in many ways. Much of her pre-parenting content challenged people’s discomfort in viewing her body. She maintains an Only Fans account. She uses a power wheelchair and needs assistance with her activities of daily living. This invites all sorts of different commentary and judgment. Per one of her recent posts, she was first reported to the Department of Child Protective Services before her baby was a week old.

Both women are new to parenthood. Their posts seem to sometimes justify their approaches. They try to address what they anticipate as criticism preemptively. This seems aligned with other content creators with a large number of followers who become mothers.

Both women celebrate the nondisabledness of the partners in their lives. Both also seem a bit oblivious that a nondisabled partner is not necessarily the only solution to the challenges of parenting with a physical disability. In a recent video by Chelsie, she shares that she wishes she could rock her daughter from a rocking chair and then lay her down in her crib. After she rocks the baby, her partner transfers the baby to the crib. The vast majority of comments seemed to agree with Chelsie that she absolutely needs help in this task of laying down her infant. There are alternatives, however, which just might not be her choice, but the audience for her content concludes she must need help in this task and thus, “could never do it alone,” as Chelsie also concludes. This is entirely appropriate for a personal feeling about one’s life but opens a dangerous door for how parents with disabilities who are alone, unpartnered, or divorced are viewed and understood. Both women seem to want their audiences to know their partners are dedicated, loving fathers. It’s my hope that they find ways to communicate this message without putting their nondisabled partners on pedestals-simply for parenting with a disabled woman.

For now, Alex’s baby remains in the NICU so she hasn’t yet shared as many ways she’s figuring out the in’s and out’s of parenting at home. She has already not been offered the same level of grace as Chelsie. There is an entire Reddit thread bubbling with vile ableist hatred targeting Alex. As recently as yesterday, group members cautioned others from *posting about* reporting Alex to Child Protective Services because their threads will be shut down (not because it’s wrong and abusive to the system). There are posts mocking the way she positions her arms to hold her baby and claims she should “take baby classes”. Perhaps these wise trolls would like to join me in my efforts to even make such a thing exist for disabled parents. People seem to offer much more unsolicited advice to Alex. Neither woman is very active in their comment sections, which is certainly understandable with newborns! It does, however, have the unintended effect of leaving abusive comments online and sometimes unanswered. Both new, first-time moms are also very early in their parenting days. I’m certain their views on many things will change as they learn and grow with their babies.

Why this Matters
Disabled parents are enormously underrepresented. We’re rarely shown in media but social media offers a unique opportunity for user-generated content. Chelsie and Alex have an incredible opportunity to share a glimpse-with a combined half a million followers-about what it’s like to care for babies as moms with physical disabilities who use wheelchairs. Their accounts impact more than them, however. Other disabled parents and prospective parents with disabilities will read some of these bigoted comments and feel the connection of ableism to their own lives, children, and families. We have to think carefully about how much of this content we should and when it’s best for us to consume. As disabled parents, we should be cautious about engaging in online battles with critics. Several from the Reddit threads criticizing Alex discuss how they are intentionally instigating arguments with Alex’s partner in an effort to get him to threaten violence so they can use it against his family through continued reports to Child Protective Services. Trolls want reactions. These trolls have shown they will retaliate by weaponizing a system that we already know will not treat us fairly.

Even with these concerns, it’s still exciting to see a large number of people learn about disabled parenting for the first time. With such an opportunity for visibility also comes responsibility. It is my hope that Chelsie and Alex embrace their chance to be strong, vulnerable, and authentic under their own individual spotlights. In doing so, I hope they recognize their own privileges and also advocate for parents with disabilities who may share or face different challenges.