“You’ll never have children.”
I distinctly remember the conversation with my doctor when I was 18, and at the time that was the farthest thought from my mind so it really didn’t bother me. I thought, “I’ll have nieces and nephews and that will fill that void if I ever feel it.”
Being born with Spina Bifida things were difficult for me as it was, so how could I handle being responsible for another person’s life anyway? Yah, about that. Over time it did bother me. A lot. So, at 23 I met someone I fell madly in love with and suddenly that aching need to have a child with him arose.
So, we tried, all the while in the back of my head thinking “it won’t happen, you’re only torturing yourself, and him.” Two months later, I felt ill. Everything hurt. I literally cried over spilled milk…it was bizarre. I took a home test…two lines. Wait, one is faint. What does this mean?! Could it be?! The impossible is possible?
One week later an OB confirmed: I was pregnant. I had Emily, my miracle baby, on September 12, 2008. She was born healthy and did not have Spina Bifida, which is what I had most agonized over my entire pregnancy. I was terrified of being a disabled mother. I feared dropping her, accidentally running her over with my chair as she played on the floor. Not being able to chase her.
From the time she was two, I was a single mom. Our main transportation has always been my motorized wheelchair, either me carrying her, or pushing her in a stroller. We go to stores, parks, everything. I could catch her. I have never dropped her, or ran her over, or any of those very scary possibilities. She’s now a beautiful, smart, vibrant 8-year-old who is so accepting and empathetic of everyone. She plays piano, loves to read, and play with her friends. She often draws pictures of us, and most of the time she playfully draws my chair with rocket boosters on it. It’s the norm for her, and my Spina Bifida has never bothered her one bit.
Being a single, disabled mom did not mean I would fail after all. The impossible is in fact possible. I deal with doubts from naysayers, wondering how I could possibly do it. But I just do, and I would not trade being a mommy for anything in the entire world. Even with the Spina Bifida, in my daughters eyes, she constantly reminds me that to her I am the greatest mommy in the world.